the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
