yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
