i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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