Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
are you so shy because you have an std?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
