I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What a dumb baby whore.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
