In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
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Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.