Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug