Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
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Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN