I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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