So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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