Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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