there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
