I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
