hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
