At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
