Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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