My brain says no but my pants say off.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
