I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
