Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
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I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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