Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
