i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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