I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
