I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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