You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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