he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize