Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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