It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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