I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
