Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You did what with his pubic hair?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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