Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
