my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
