hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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