if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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