she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
