This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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