After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
