I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
