This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
