well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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