they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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