Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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