you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
