Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
