u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What a dumb baby whore.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Drunk is not a location!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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