I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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