dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just pynch a tree in the face
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
