I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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