i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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