she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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