We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
