dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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