i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
