just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
