I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
