SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
