Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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