I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
