At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
