my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
