Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
