Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
