ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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