my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
