you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
