I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
