Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
