I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dear god my vagina.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
